Patamon: Proffesional Cab Driver
by The Infamous Boss Reo
Summary: Patamon gets a job as a cab driver in New York! Hilariousness insues!
1. Default Chapter Title

Patamon: Professional Cab Driver. 

By Boss Reo 

"Taxi!" the man ran into the street to stop the oncoming cab, the yellow transport slowed to a stop and let the man in. 

"28th and third and step on it!" The man demanded, adjusting his hat. In the drivers seat he saw a small, brown mouse-like animal with bat wings coming out of its head (to make this even cuter, he's wearing a little cabby's hat.) 

"You got it!" The digimon replied. His little foot pressed on the gas pedal and the car drove off in a thunder of screeches and engine sounds. "You gotta go to work huh?" the small monster asked, trying to make conversation while running over pedestrians. "Uh, yeah." the man answered, looking at the driver ID that said, "Hello, My name is Patamon", and a little shocked as he looked out the window to see a hot-dog cart get smashed. "I'm an employee at the bank." "So whattaya do exactly?" Patamon wondered. 

Suddenly the sound of a man screaming filled the air and the cab jumped up as it drove over something. "Err... I'm a loan officer." a woman hit the windshield and flew over the cab. "Aww, that's a nice job. A really good bank, I've been there before." The little digimon suddenly made a sharp left turn and the cab tires squealed loudly as it turns through an intersection. 

"HEY! I'M WALKIN' HERE!" a pedestrian shouted. "YOU DON'T BELONG ON THE STREETS!" Patamon yelled back. Soon the cab stopped at a busy street and was caught in a traffic jam. "Oh damn! I'm going to be late again!" The passenger worried. Patamon knew he didn't want his customer to be unsatisfied, and he was, after all, voted best cab driver in New York. 

"Don't worry sir!" Patamon squeaked, "I know a shortcut!" He hit the gas and road into Central Park. 

"This is a nice park. Too many pokemon though. OOH look! A pikachu!"

WOOMP! 

"I hate those damn things." patamon said. 

WOOMP! 

"That was a big one." 

WOOMP! WOOMP! 

"Gotta watch out for those digletts." Patamon stated. Soon the digimon's cab found it's way onto the streets as it burst through some bushes and onto 4th street. "Almost there sir!" The monster said to his passenger. Suddenly a red light appeared and the cab screeched to a halt in front of a pikachu crossing the road. "Pika! pika!" "Up yours ya digimon rip off! BOOM BUBBLE!" Patamon burped up a big bubble that sent the dumb pokemon flying. 

"I always hate those things." The little digimon anxiously drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, waiting for the light to turn green. His tiny foot pushed on the gas pedal, revving the engine to a mighty roar. The man looked nervously at the light, then at Patamon, then at the light again. "Uh… e… excuse me but…" The light suddenly turned green. "Here we go, sir!" Patamon pressed on the gas, and the cab burned along the street in a yellow blur. The man was pinned to the seat due to the g-force as the winged monster plowed through pedestrians and traffic. Patamon looked at the oncoming street signs made a sharp right, then a sharp left. Although an unfortunate mime would say otherwise. The cab drove through traffic in a blur of yellow metal. 

Suddenly, Patamon jammed his little foot on the brakes with all his might, and the cab screeched loudly to a halt. DING! "Okay sir, we're here!" Patamon squeaked with a smile as he looked at his toll. "That'll be four dollars and fifty cents." The handed Patamon his fare with an extremely shaky hand and walked staggardly into the bank. Patamon waved as the man walked the entrance of the bank. Then he drove his cab back out into the busy streets of New York, looking for his next fare. 

Th'End! 


	2. Default Chapter Title

The Continuing Chronicles of Patamon: Proffesional Cab Driver 

By Boss Reo 

The night life of New York was often dangerous and seedy in some parts, Patamon knew this. He calmly drove his empty cab down the streets of Hell's Kitchen, suddenly coming up to a corner where a young bird-like digimon was standing around, smoking a cigarrette. She suddenly spotted our little cab driver. 

"Hey baby, looking for a good ti....oh, it's just you." The bird said, recognizing Patamon's face. 

"Slow night tonight, huh Biyomon?" Patamon asked, his head hanging out the window. 

"Yeah.....almost had someone though. Turned out to be just another pig." The elegantly dressed bird sighed, she looked around, seeing if anyone else was on the street. "Hey Patamon, think you can give me a lift?" she asked, the small digimon in the cab just smiled and motioned his hand. 

"Sure, almost the end of my shift anyways." Biyomon climbed into the back of the cab and the small, wing-headed monster slowly pulled his cab out onto the empty street. A little while after driving, Patamon looked into his rearview at Biyomon, who just lit another cigarrette and put it to her beak. 

"So........" Patamon tried to make conversation, "How's Gabumon?' he asked, "pfft...like I care about that shmuck? all he does is just mooch more and more money off of me. I barely get enough money just to pay for my apartment, and all he does is just stay there." Biyomon took this pause to exhale some smoke, "And the only time he ever does anything is when he's outta booze. That's all he is, just some lazy layabout who has nothing better to do but lay on a couch, watching game shows and drink." 

She looked at Patamon. "You know, the only reason i'm taking care of him is because he's your step-brother...in a way." "And you know I appreciate everything you're doing for me, Biyomon." The small monster replied, soon the cab pulled up to a rundown apartment building, across from a small deli. "Here's your stop." Patamon said, slowing the cab to a halt. "Thanks Patamon." Biyomon said, stepping out of the cab, "You wanna come in for a bit? Have a cup of coffee or something?" she offered. 

"No thanks, gotta get the cab back over to the station. Maybe i'll come by tomorrow." he smiled at her. They then said their good byes and Biyomon walked up the steps and dissappeared into the building. 

"Come on! That cab needed to be fixed three days ago!" Agumon yelled from behind his booth at the two mechanics in the garage. "Easy, would ya? Me an' Tentomon still gotta put in theses new shocks!" Gomamon yelled back from under the raised cab. "Hey Tento, gimme some juice!" He said to the bug in the mechanic's suit next to him, "You got it!" Tentomon mock-saluted, and hooked the end of a wire into somewhere on his back-side that we will not bring into detail. 

"Got that wire in place?" Gomamon asked, Tentomon nodded. "Here we go!" no sooner is this said then Tentomon flashes brightly with electricity, powering the drill Gomamon was holding. 

BZZZT! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! 

Agumon just sighed and went back to his work, going over papers and lawsuits. He grabbed a handful of pretzels from the bag next to him and tossed them into his mouth. he looked out from over the endless piles of papers at the two bumbling mechanics and gave another sigh as a loud crash was heard. 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! GET THE EXTINGUISHER!" 

Agumon asked himself if it was really worth looking up this time.He decided it was and looked up to see Gomamon running around while set ablaze, Tentomon running after him while trying to put him out with a fire extinguisher. Once again, a sigh came from Agumon. (And a vein was starting to form on his forehead.) 

All of a sudden... 

VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! 

SKRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCH! 

These noises marked the return of the Digimon Cab Co.'s best driver, as the cab came crashing in and impacting into another car. 

"Hey! Patamon's back!" Tentomon said excitedly, looking over while still spraying an already extinguished Gomamon. Patamon casually opened the door of his cab and flew out, just as the cab suddenly collapsed into the car it parked on top of. 

"You're right on time, just as usual." Agumon smiled as the little winged rat fluttered over to his booth. "Make much today?" he asked, Patamon just shrugged. "Eh..got a few fares here an' there today." He suddenly pulled out a flattened Pikachu carcass, "Got another one though!" 

All the digimon in the garage cheered at the site of the flattened pokemon while Agumon took it and nailed it to the wall of flattened Pikachus. "That makes 500! A new record!" 

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BOO-YAH! 

WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP! 

Satisfied with their current victory over the evil of Pokemon, Patamon then took them all out for drinks at the bar. Tentomon got drunk and got into a brawl with a squirtle, Agumon passed out, Patamon hit the squirtle Tentomon was fighting with over the head with a barstool, and Gomamon got REALLY hammered and left the bar with a Bakamon who said her name was Nancy. 

Th' End! (Until The next installment.) 


	3. Default Chapter Title

The Even More Continuing Chronicles of Patamon: Professional Cab Driver  
  
By The Infamous Boss Reo  
  
"Mail call!" Gomamon shouted, he casually looked through the huge pile as he carried it across the garage.   
  
"Junk." he said, tossing away a college scholarship fund for Agumon.  
  
"Junk." he said, tossing away a letter informing Agumon he was being evicted.  
  
"Junk." he said, tossing Agumon's paycheck.  
  
"Ooh! My issue of 'Barely Legal Digimon'!" he shouted with glee, holding up a magazine with a Floramon on the cover, "I'll be in the bathroom!" he said, giggling madly and locking himself in the bathroom. "Hey come on! I need to use the toilet!" Tentomon pleaded, banging on the bathroom door, "I knew I shouldn't have eaten that chile con carne!"   
  
Agumon took the rest of the mail and looked through it carefully, "Oh! Looks like Patamon's being called to the DMV."   
  
SHOOOM!  
  
He looked over at Tentomon and saw that he made a large hole in the bathroom door. "AAAAAGH! DON'T COME IN HERE!" Gomamon shouted, "I DON'T CARE!" Tentomon shouted back, and he threw Gomamon out of the bathroom, who landed with a thud while his pants were on halfway. (He's a mechanic, he has to wear pants.) "Give me my magazine!" Gomamon shouted, suddenly his issue of 'Barely Legal Digimon' was thrown at him, hitting him in the face.Agumon sweatdropped and continued to go through the mail.  
  
VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!   
  
SKRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCH!  
  
And with that, announced the arrival of Digimon Cab Co.'s best driver, as the cab once again came crashing in and impacting into another car.  
  
"Hey Patamon! Pefect timing!" Agumon said happily, "You got a letter from the DMV." Patamon flew from his cab, which was parked on top of another car. "Hmmm, license renewal already?" he asked, his cab then collapsed into the car it was parked on, "Guess I'll have to take a day off." he turned to Agumon, "You don't mind, do you?" "No problem!" Agumon said assuringly, "I'll just have Palmon fill in for you." in the background, Gomamon and Tentomon were now wrestling each other for the bathroom, toilet paper sticking to Tentomon's foot.  
  
It was a lovely day in the city, the birds were chirping, the grass was growing, and the digimon were driving happily.  
  
"NEXT!" Gatomon shouted through the crowded DMV building, "Oh........I'ts you again." she said, glaring at Patamon. "Aw come on! What did I do wrong this time?" Patamon asked, "Well let's just see, shall we?" Gatomon said, she reached under the counter and pulled out a huge pile of papers, setting them down on the counter, even though they crashed through it and landed on the floor.  
  
"Here we are...." she said, taking the top paper, "Reckless endangerment of only 28 pedestrians, reckless endangerment of only 50 pokemon, reckless endangerment of only 10 mimes........." she threw the paper aside, taking the next one below it. "You drove through the city mall only twice, the subway only four times, the city park just once........." "That was some big air!" Patamon said, smiling, "I'M NOT DONE YET!" Gatomon snapped, slapping Patamon on the head with her pointer.  
  
"I'm ordering you to watch this educational film on driving!" she said, pulling out a projector and a viewing screen, "LIGHTS!"  
  
The entire building went dark as the projector started up, showing a black and white movie with choppy music in the background. The movie focused on Elecmon, wearing dark framed glasses and a suit, he had his hands folded as he sat at a desk.  
  
"Hairbringers of sorrow," he started, "Natural disasters can lead to tremendous amounts of stress. And a reckless driver is no exception."  
  
The movie then came to a scene of a 1950's-ish family, "Here we have the Kamiya Family enjoying a day out for a picnic, suddenly Taichi hears a noise in the distance. Little Hikari seems frightened, but have no fear Hikari! Taichi has studied what to do in case of a reckless driver." the film shows Taichi throwing the picnic blanket over the entire family, before joining them underneath it, "That's right Taichi." Elecmon says, "Duck and cover!" the film then shows a car driving over the blanket, and the family comes out unscathed, "So what do you do when you see or hear a reckless driver coming your way?" the film shows Yamato and Jyou riding bikes, then getting down on the ground and covering themselves, "That's right: Duck and cover." then a car drives over the two and they come out unhurt, "Looks like they got the idea!"  
  
DUCK AND COVER  
  
"Thank you and good night."  
  
The film then ends and the lights go back on, most of the people in the building are now asleep, Gatomon frowns and looks over the crowd. "AND SO......." she yelled, waking everyone up, "You are now going to take your driving test. AGAIN." Patamon sighed and lowered his wings, "You don't think there is some other way I can get past this? Like maybe dinner and a movie?" he asked, winking at Gatomon, "NO." she replied, whacking him over the head again with her pointer.  
  
"Alright now," Gatomon said, looking through her clip board as she sat down in Patamon's cab, "We'll start with the basics." "Yes Ms. Gatomon." Patamon said dully as he pulled out into the driving course. The cab screeched to a halt and waited for the light to turn green, "Make sure to adjust your rear view mirror." Gatomon instructed, "And check for pedestrians." there were a few cardboard cut-outs of people littered through out the course, Patamon reved the engine a litte, making the cab roar. "Good, now begin the course." Gatomon said, the light in front of the car suddenly turned green, and the yellow cab drove out in a frenzy, crashing through a fake hot dog cart. "Hmmm...." Gatomon scribbled down on her clip board. The cab made a sharp turn to the left, plowing through a group of cardboard people. Gatomon nodded and scribbled down some more in her clip board.  
  
"Look out for any pokemon!" she instructed, "Right." Patamon replied with a dull face, suddenly a stuffed pikachu sprang out on the road, the cab veered towards it and smashed through it. "Mmmhmm.." Gatomon said, writing down more as stuffing flew from the stuffed pokemon. More stuffed Pikachu's sprang up, and the cab continued to plow through them. Suddenly Patamon jammed on the brakes, stopping at an intersection. "Now for the next part of the test." Gatomon said, she pulled out a walkie-talkie, "Send out Myotismon." she said into it, a car suddenly pulled up next to Patamon's cab, Myotismon driving it. "Ready?" Gatomon asked, "Yes Ms. Gatomon." Patamon responded, a bored look on his face. He looked at Myotismon, Myotismon looked back, both of them revved up their cars, waiting for the light to turn green, Patamon pressed his foot against the gas a little more, bringing the cab to a loud roar of the engines.  
  
The light suddenly flashed green, and both cars took off in a blur. Patamon's cab sped up ahead of Myotismon's, suddenly Myotismon's car crashed into a fruit stand, then plowing through some crates with chickens in them. "It's a living." Myotismon muttered, a chicken landing on his head.  
  
A little while later, Patamon's cab screeched into the parking lot of the DMV, crashing into a car parked in front of him. "Well, that does it for parallel parking." Gatomon said, jotting down on her clip board, "Time to look over your score." Patamon looked back at her, eager to know how he did, "You missed two of the designated 28 Pikachus.." she said, looking over her paper, "You only plowed through two restaraunts, you hit only one person in a wheel chair, you ran over only five vendors, you destroyed only one news stand." she said, looking at her paper, which showed no writings at all, but only a little doodle of a stick figure Gennai with little squiggly lines around him with a bubble saying "I'm Mr. Stinky." "So how did I do?" Patamon asked, "Well, besides that, you passed!" Gatomon said, smiling. Patamon gve a victory sign and smiled to himself, "And as for that dinner and movie.." Gatomon said, getting out of the cab, "How bout you pick me up tonight at seven?"   
  
Th' End!  
(Until The next installment.) 


End file.
